seri.

I have that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that I've done something wrong. Or something bad is going to happen. Its the feeling I get in dreams if I kill someone (this isn't a common dream I have, don't worry). I can't think what I've done wrong though. I'm being really good in work lately, like, actually doing things I'm supposed to and that. I wish it would go away, it's making me feel like I need to vom. Gross.

Also, I can feel my heart beating. Like I know it is but you shouldn't feel it like this should you? Like it doesn't hurt or anything, I'm just quite aware of it beating. Thats weird right? I'm just gonna ignore it til it goes away I think.

I'm going to a pink party on Thursday. Its one of the admins birthday and she's having a party in Pacha. We all have to wear pink. I do actually own a pink dress but alas I've left it at home. On the one hand I really don't have the money or inclination to buy new clothes for this, on the other hand it'll be the second 'themey' night I haven't joined in on. Eh.

Nothing else going on really. Got shouted at by some Spanish bird on the phone today because I don't speak Spanish, she kept yelling "Speak Spanish, this is Las Palmas not Britain!". Fair enough I should be trying to speak the lingo, but yelling at me isn't going to instantly make me able to speak Spanish. I had to just 'un momento por favor' her then wait ten minutes til my supervisor got there, who can speak Spanish, but with the thickest Manc accent ever, its quite lolsome.

Not much else going on really, its still dead quiet here. Its mostly youth at the moment though, so we have about two evictions a week. On the one hand its a pain in the ass having to get a rep down there, calm down the management and then find the guests new accom. On the other hand we can make quite a lot of money from it.

We've hit out targets for June. I usually wouldn't care about that kind of thing, I'm not the most goal orientated person in the world but we get 'points' for hitting targets which are added up and then counted towards an end-of-season bonus. So yay I guess.

I went out in Rico for the first time last week. I can't remember much. Its a feature of my nights out here that I forget almost everything. I don't know why I drink so much more than I do at home. I'm also aware that I have a tendency to get melancholy when I drink now. There seems to be a golden window of drunkeness where I remember everything and am also happy which is hard to hit sometimes. It tends to be 'not stupendously drunk but melancholy' or 'so drunk I do embarassing things then can't remember them'. Anyway its doubtful whether I'll be going out much anymore as I'm not living with James anymore, who used to be me 'way in' to the nights out.

I now live with a 50 year old Scottish airport rep. Everyone had to move around because we're spending too much on staff accomodation and are expecting a new person. So James, who I now know enough to speak freely to, has been replaced by this chap. I'm not massively happy about this as you may be able to tell. The flat now has a strange aroma that I can't quite place but bothers me intensely. I have a fear of it sticking to me and then forever smelling of 50 year old airport rep. The only consolation is that between airport days and pub visits he tends to be out a lot. When he is in I tend to stick to my room. Rude though it may be, I can't be bothered to make conversation with him. You know when you don't like someone for no reason? Its like that.

Erm what else... I just used my savings to pay off my credit card (well all but a hundred quid of it anyway) which I've known was the logical thing to do but been resisting for ages (I'd named the savings account the 'uni fund' so emptying it was abit like admitting I'm never going back). I finally decided to do it when I added up and realised that I'd earned £6 in the last year on my savings, but been charged £200 on my debt. Next pay day I'll be able to pay off that last hundred quid and then I can start on the overdraft. Of course after that I have my car loan and my laptop. I don't tend to include my student loans in the debt count. I've never earned over the threshold for paying it back, and since it comes directly out of your pay its not like I ever get to touch the money that goes to paying it off ya know?

I think I've put on weight. I definetly haven't lost any. There are no scales in the flat and I can't quite bring myself to buy things that will get left here when I return home. There are those stupid ones on the street that you put a euro in and it weighs you but it causes me enough stress standing on a Wii Fit board so I'm not weighing myself in the street. This is quite distressing. A large part of my motivation for taking this job was a desire to recreate the Liverpool conditions that led to my original weight loss. Poverty, drugs and going out four times a week. I think if I want anything to happen with this I'm going to actually put some kind of effort into it but the weahter out here isn't really effort inspiring. As a properly obese person I don't need much of a reason to sweat in this weather, I can imagine the mess I'd be if I actually had to exert myself.

I think thats it for now.

Its my day off tomorrow. I enjoy the night before a day off more than the day off itself. Not because I'll be going out - I wont - I just love going to sleep at night knowing I don't have to be up at any specific time the next day. This would of course be the perfect night to go out, but alas its the Thomas Cook bar crawl and you can't go out unless you're guiding it really. I think the theory is that reps wont pay enough attention to guests if their mates are there.

A lot of up and down days at work lately. There are up days where I seem to know what I'm doing and feel useful and then down days where I seem to keep getting enquiries for which I don't know the answer. Today was an OK day. I've come to hate one of our Head Reps though. She has an accent that reminds me of this girl, Sam, I used to live with who was vile. They are exactly alike in everyway. I want to stab a pencil through her eye.

My flatmates ex-girlfriend/friend is staying with us this week. I kind of wish I was sharing with her and not him. Its one of those instances of instantly liking someone and being able to talk to them. She reminds me a bit of Stacey actually.

Not much else going on really.

Wow I really get paid a pathetically small amount. Last month, my first months pay, was slightly bigger because I'd worked two weeks extra. But I got paid this months wages today and its a shocker. I'm still 300 odd quid in my overdraft. I think paying off my credit card early was a strange fantasy I must have had. Damn.

I was 50 minutes late for work yesterday. As such I have my first formal, written warning. I'm to report to the Gateway Managers office tomorrow for a formal disciplinary meeting. I'm not that worried. You just look disapointed in yourself and sorry and then it goes away doesn't it? This isn't really the kind of job where it matters what lasting impression you make on your superiors.

I was late because we went out the previous night to watch Barca play in a local bar and then stayed for quiz and a pub games. It was actually alright. Although I have a habit of just leaving sometimes. Like if we're in a bar and I'm bored, I tend to just leave and go find other people. I can't help it, there are more boring bars than there are interesting ones I guess.

I miss grass. I realised this the other day. There is no grass here. Its a very brown/grey island. Its mostly rocks and dirt. And sand.


Thats all really.

Pictures from the last night of training in Majorca. We all had a meal in an Aquarium and then headed out to Magalluf. It was really good fun. I was on a bit of a downer because the person I was bessie mates with throughout the course went all weird. I think she thought I was 'disrespecting' her when I had my back to her throughout a task. Anyway, it was a stupid girly bitchy thing that almost ruined the night out. Luckily I could hang out with my fellow admins and it was a wicked night. Also had my stereotypes wrong as one lad I thought was straight turned out to be gay, and one lad I thought was gay turned out to be quite straight.

( Read more... )

Left Majorca Saturday morning and flew to Barcelona, then had a 45 minute wait til the connecting flight to Gran Canaria. I was nervous about all this as the hotel was pretty deserted in the morning. I was one of the only ones flying straight out so everyone had left for their flights back to the UK already. Obviously it all turned out alright anyway.

I'm staying in a hotel at the moment until my appartments ready. The winter staff are all still here. Including someone I saw today who I met in Ibiza who encouraged me to apply for Thomas Cook. The hotel is full of new staff, they're mostly still training, whereas I'm pretty much just in the office now. Had a couple of accom changes. Flight checks. Missing luggage, missing reps. Pretty much just answering the phone and dealing with stuff as it comes. Had a really upset bloke stranded at the airport today. I thought it was a wind up at first. Phone up the new girl and pretend to be a bawling customer. But no, it was actually real. We sorted it anyway.

I was in my uniform today. That was pretty fun slash terrifying. I wanna be an admin supervisor. They get to wear their own clothes.

I´m being sent to Gran Caneria. Not sure if thats how you spell it and I aint wasting my internet minutes on checking. I find out in a few minutes whether I´m flying home for a couple weeks or flying straight to resort.

Its ten minutes for a euro here. So I´m fucking out.

Passed all three of my rep tests so far. With 100% grades. I want to get 100% on every test. Apparently you get a prize if you do. I know I´m sad.

I´ve made more notes and done more actual revision than I did for my degree. Which is probably why I dropped out of Uni but hey ho.

Got a little bit homesick today. Which is weird, because I managed to live away from home for three years without feeling anything.

Times running out... these computers are a massive rip off man.

Training course in Majorca. Apparently I find out where I´m being placed on Thursday.
Nervous and excited. And scared. A lot with the scared. My flesh tunnels are also an issue. I´m trying to get round it. One course rep says they have to go, one course rep says my flesh coloured plugs should be fine. Think I´m getting away with my hair too. Which is good because I´d be completely lost having to dye it myself and shit.

Made a few friends. Sort of. People I can sit with at lunch anyway, which is all I need tbh.

Times running out and we have an Incident Management presentation to attend....

So on Friday last week I went to see Fall Out Boy at the O2 with my sister and her boyfriend. They're my favourite band. Its an irrational kind of love. I was able to drink as my sister was driving and I was also able to abandon my sister and go crazy up the front for a bit as her fella was there to look after her/hold my stuff.

Then on Sunday me and my sister drove down to Brighton to see Fall Out Boy again (we're both afflicted with the irrational love). I drove. Which made Lou massively nervous. I had always thought she resented being made to drive all the time, but it turns out she can't stand to be in a car she's not driving.

Anyway, the gig was at the Brighton Centre, which is a nice little venue. Much, much smaller. So a much better view. The gig was probably the second best I've seen them. The only thing that let it down was some wankers in the crowd throwing glowsticks on stage (rude). We were quite near the front. It was kinda close enough to get shoved about, but far enough back that we wouldn't accidentally end up in some kind of circle pit situation. Louise got a bit too hot and had to go to the back of the venue for a bit near the end though. I didn't realise til after the gig that she actually passed out briefly. I probably should have left my place in the crowd to make sure she was alright but l I love Fall Out Boy more than I love her. Thats possibly a joke, I'm not sure.

After the gig me and Lou hung about outside. There was a reasonable sized crowd that included two paps. It was about an hour before Pete came out. Unfortunately because of the paps and him having Ashlee there he couldn't stop. Even with him rushing past, the paps next to us managed to get a pic of the babby though. I'd be more annoyed at them, but they were nice lads and were keeping us entertained with vids of Winehouse and Rob Pattinson on their cameras. Next out was Patrick. This was pretty much the highlight of my life. We talked to him. We got a pic with him. Got an autograph. And got a hug. He was lovely and funny and charming. I could die today and consider my life a success now.

We hung around another hour to see Joe steam past and then Andy stop and talk to everyone and do autographs. He looked surprised to find people still waiting for him. Which was very cute and he's now my second favourite member of Fall Out Boy.

I may be getting my first speeding ticket very soon. It was one of those stupid vans in Luton. I think I was doing 35 in a 30.  I did brake, I'm hoping they only clocked me at 31 and wont bother. Fingers crossed. Moneys becoming a right fuck at the moment.

I am so well trained to say 'Anything else?' after pouring someones drink, that I now say it when I'm being served. The girl in Cafe Neero just looked really confused. I came here to use the internet, only to find out its that shitty BTOpen stuff, that you pay for. Sucks. I bet my download don't finish before it cuts out. Cunts.

I got my first flat tyre yesterday. Luckily my Dad dropped by and he showed me how to change it. This does mean getting a new spare (or seeing if the flat can be repaired), which is going to have to wait until I have some more money because I'm still seriously overdrawn from the last chunk of money I spent on my car.

Not much else going down really. Valentines passed me by, I didn't even realise what day it was til the evening.
I've suddenly (late I know) discovered the awesome of The West Wing. I'm only one season in though. I'm trying to download some more, but I may try and justify a boxset purchase.

I'm very bored.

Its amazing how easily my mood can turn around. I'm perfectly happy, talking to people on the internet MSN. My Nan asks what is so facinating about my computer, I tell her I'm talking to a friend and she comes out with her best line yet. 'Oh you've got friends have you?'.

Wow. Thanks. I now want to top myself. Or kill her in her sleep.

 

 

Eh.

I did my first emergency stop last night. To avoid hitting a bunny rabbit. I would be more upset at hitting a bunny than a child. I'm sorry, its the truth. I then doubled back to check it was alright, and a police car crawled past me with two amused looking policemen inside.

I'm at the Amble Inn at the moment. I wanted to use their internet, as my dongle top up will run out fast if I do downloady things with it. I chose the Amble because its usually empty, and guaranteed to be free of Legion regulars (its a very slate grey and ice blue kinda place, which the old boys don't like). Only the food must be popular these days because its filling up fast. Go away horrible people! 

Shiny new laptop! Mobile broadband! Yay! 

I'm just getting to grips with it. Its Vista, which I didn't want. But I was told my specs would require Vista. So we'll see how we go. I miss the superfast internet at work though. Mobile broadband is a bit shit for MSN and stuff. And heavy duty downloading. If I end up not doing the overseas job thing, I'll defo get proper broadband.

Not much else going on. Just paid out £210 for a rattling exhaust, so I wont be going for an Oxford night out now. I was gonna sell some stuff on ebay but alas, my account has been suspended for trying to sell some probably fake GHDs. Whoops. I'll have to sell them in the pub or something, like in the olden days.

I lost a stone last week. From not eating much and going to the gym. Then I got the flu and didn't move for a week and have put half a stone back on. I was gonna get back to the gym/hardly eating routine today, but the laptop came and distracted me. I need to get back on that.

I am starting to get the hang of internet on my phone. Though not enough for proper LJ posts. The only things happening are London last weekend with Dan and John. Much fun and also texting Andy whilst drunk. He's moving down here in a month, which is making me think harder about whether to actually bugger off for six months with TC. Oxford night out next weekend possibly. Although is dependant on whether my car (and bank balance) survives its first trip to the mechanics. Fingers crossed my rattling exhaust is nothing serious.

My contract for Thomas Cook came the other day. The pay is abso shocking. I think I'm still going ahead with it though. Its about what I earn at the Legion now. Which I hadn't considered a real wage to be fair - its pocket money. I'm probably still going for it though. I'm back to my smackhead schedule of sleeping til noon and staying up ridiculously late for no reason.

Nothing else is going on. Possible Oxford trip Wednesday and London night out Saturday. The former being dependant on whether I can borrow a Sat Nav from somewhere. I don't trust myself to go somewhere new without it.

Its my last day today.

I'll probably be offline for a bit.

Christmas has been a bit of a non-event really. This is my first Christmas in employment and it just felt like an extra couple of days off (wasted on visiting family). I spent Christmas Day at my sisters boyfriends parents house. Second year there. I think this is my Christmas thing now, inflicting myself on strangers. Although I'm just as comfortable there as with my real family. Boxing Day was spent at my Dads. I didn't bother getting my 'step-sister' a present this year as I didn't think we were bothering with that sort of thing, but apparently we are, so that was slightly awkward. Actually I'm just saying that because I felt like it should have been awkward, but I wasn't really arsed.

The only noteworthy presents were a charm braceley from my father. Noteworthy because he's never seen me wear any jewellerry ever, and I am his least feminine daughter. And a Vivienne Westwood perfume from my sister. Noteworthy because for once, its actually something I would have bought for myself. I can't think of anything else, it was mostly a voucher year.

I've discovered that even without me driving, I am really not arsed about alcohol anymore. I don't know if this is good or bad. Or possibly its just me finally fully reverting back to pre-Uni Helen. Scary.



On a more serious note, I really wish I was able to beat someone up. I've never been in a fight really and I imagine I'd be quite pathetic. But I really wish I could kick the shit out of someone. Not anyone like, I do have a specific person in mind. There are a few chaps who come in the Legion who could probably do it for me (I don't know if they would though), and my sisters boyfriend's mates could probably do it if they teamed up. I'd explain my sudden violent fantasies but its not my story to tell really, even friends only.